I didn’t know there’d ever be a day where I saw you and I didn’t feel anything.

Your hands were just hands, not ones I wanted to hold. Your eyes are for seeing, not for gazing into mine. Your smile was just teeth, not reassurance or validation.

You aren’t the boy I fell in love with anymore.

I didn’t know I was in love with you until I wasn’t anymore. When I had no more warm fuzzy feelings, I knew. When I couldn’t text you into the late hours of the night anymore. When I knew you would never be with me. When I realized that our story was over.

Maybe I’ve been heartbroken all this time. They say it takes half the length of a relationship to be over it. So after our four years, it makes sense that 2 years later I’m finally getting over it, or trying to.

I just hope someone sees me the way you did. I hope they light up my life like you did. I hope we laugh and drive and share knowing glances like you and I did. I hope they erase the pain of listening to Elton John and black pick up trucks. But I hope they remind me of you, just a little bit- because I never want to erase the love I had for you.

You will always make me feel like I’m fifteen again. But your time machine isn’t working as well. Maybe it was powered by my heart yearning for you, or the toxicity between us. But now, I see you with your girlfriend and my brother as your roommate and I wish you all the best.

I’ll regret it forever. But I will never regret knowing you.

College student, woman, master of sarcasm, occasional inhabitant of this brain. Nebraska. Washington.